Being trapped in some kind of prison without knowing how or when to get out can be devastating. But there are those who have been sitting there for a long time without even knowing about it. They may know they have a problem in some way but don't understand how bad it is and don't do anything about it or don't know how to do something about it. Now I am not talking about physical prisons but emotional problems.
"A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." Proverbs 18:19 NKJV
The intention of this article is to be helpful and try to make you understand why you have to address the problems and that there is a way forward. It could also be that you have someone close to you who has these problems but you have never really realized what the problem is.
Straight to the point: you have at some point been offended or hurt in such a serious way that you shut down or limited your feelings.
The purpose is not that you should live with suppressed emotions for the rest of your life. You may think you are protecting yourself from being hurt again. You may think you have learned to live with this. But the consequences of trying to live a life of suppressed emotions have huge consequences for those close to you. It also has consequences for yourself. One of the biggest consequences is that you become unable to solve problems. To solve problems you have to involve your emotions and they are turned off and you become trapped instead.
How can you confess without your feelings? There are basic mechanisms in how we function as humans. You talk to someone else about your problems and burdens to let them go, every psychologist or pastor knows that. Just confessing before God and not bringing up sin in the light can certainly work sometimes. But there is a good reason why you should confess to each other, God knows how we work.
How do you know if you have a closed emotional life? First of all, others sense your behaviour. You yourself are so used to how you behave that you may not even reflect on it. There are those who live with emotional immaturity for the rest of their lives and will never come to terms with it.
If someone avoids using their emotions, strange situations will arise on a regular basis. I can only give a few examples and of course there are different levels of this and different ways of how it comes across.
Lack of respect for others. For example, when someone is sitting and working in another room and you normally should have knocked, you just open the door without saying anything.
Lack of compassion. When someone is or has become ill and you should be comforted and instead you get an insensitive comment such as: why have you become ill in the form of an accusation. A child who fell and hit himself. Instead of saying something empathetic that involves feelings, there will be some other kind of reaction, for example just yelling and scaring the child instead.
If someone laughs, the person can tell you not to do it. Laughter involves emotions and it becomes disturbing to someone who shuts them off.
You can't be wrong and don't listen to others. You don't say sorry. You says hurtful things. You have a negative attitude. Ingratitude and outbursts of anger. A few things that of course can have other reasons. Depending on the personality type, you deal with suppressed emotions in different ways.
You have stoped your emotional development and behave like a teenager or a child in certain situations, depending on when you shut down.
The list can be made very long and most of it is due to shutting down or having immature feelings. It is impossible to live a healthy life and have healthy relationships without using your emotions. It becomes very difficult to deal with relationship problems.
How to proceed? How to use your emotions again? I don't think there is any easy shortcut to this. If you have lived most of your life this way, you need to take drastic measures if you want a change.
Why do you need to have a change? In addition to all the problems it causes in your relationships, you also become unable to solve spiritual problems. You also won't be able to practise confession effectively as I mentioned earlier. The consequences of being dragged with sin are clearly mentioned in God's Word
How are you going to proceed in practical terms?
1. Take a piece of paper and write down the difficult things that happened in the past, the things that once made you shut down your emotions. Put everything into words. Say it out loud to yourself.
2.Contact someone to talk if you have no one in the family you can talk to. It can be good to start a conversation with someone outside who has experience in self-care or therapy. Start with a phone call and progress to meeting someone to talk to.
3.Pull up all the old sins you didn't confess because you couldn't talk to anyone before. The word of God tells us to confess our sins to each other , it's a concept that works.
It doesn't help to judge someone who has immature feelings. You have no idea what is going on in a person's soul. However, it can be understandable that people can become distant due to being hurt all the time.